It is diabetic since childhood.I notice slowness and cognitive failures.In day -to -day life it is chaos.He believes that he tells me things that he thinks but he doesn't tell me.It has a negligent, forgotten, clumsy and sometimes aggressive behavior.And if I tell him something he blames me all the fault and bounces any criticism or reproach.
I know that it is difficult to know if diabetes is the cause of their attitude, and that it justifies it or anything, but I assumed that to live with him, his problems go hand in hand and I accepted it and I feel fatal because I feel guilty andI feel bad about the only idea of divorcing and leaving it.But I find the coexistence unbearable to the point of wanting to die.
Coexistence is total incoherence, misunderstandings, it is impossible to plan anything.Do not collaborate, it happens, it seems that it only takes me into account to clean it and make food.
As an example: today we went to the supermarket and asked for fish in fish market, the fishmonger asked him if he wanted a great piece to what my husband replied "yes, that little girl from there."And the fishmonger stayed for a moment staring at it.Then I asked him why he replied that, and he told me that he had not understood him and then I told him that because he did not tell him that he had not understood him and said nothing.It is like living in a asylum with a madman who lives in his world and in his own way nobody else than himself.
It is as if he lived in his own reality and communication is totally ineffective, it is impossible to have a conversation consistent with him and in all -equal house tasks, badly, the other way around, disorganized and vague.He is in charge of scrubbing the dishes and when I check the sink there is always a lot and I tell him and he says that there is no and I always have to scrub a dirt that does not exist according to him, that he lets leave because surfacely is pleased every day andThe worst thing is that it takes a lot and uses an exorbitant force.
According to the self I see things that do not exist, it is driving me crazy.
It is as if it were pissed off with all humanity and with an attitude edge all day.But I support it day by day between these 4 walls and I suffer in silence.Since apparently it looks like a quiet and good man and when I talk to someone nobody believes me;except his mother who tells me that he understands me perfectly because he is the same as one of his brothers.
The problem is that with diabetes it has the perfect excuse to always go as a victim and that I ignore everything.And the whole environment defends him and supports him always in everything.I feel cornered.It is as if the whole environment presses me to continue with him sacrificing my life and forced happiness to take care of him without expecting anything in return, no affection or support even.This situation is very rare, I don't understand what happens.It treats me fatal but nobody sees it or anyone believes me because he always does it at home.
But I am playing background and I feel very bad and overwhelmed.
I feel that I am losing my life with a person who does not deserve it and that he will treat me worse as he ages.And the worst thing is that lately I really want to hit him every time I lack respect, because I feel helpless and I have no value to make the decision to divorce myself because I basically have a lotAnd it seems that it would be to throw all that effort for board and could not stand starting from scratch.In addition, the whole family lapidary, metaphorically.
He is very ambiguous, sometimes it seems that I live with a person with a disability and vulnerable in need of support and care but other times it looks like a despot and lazy ogre.He has never thanked me for anything I do, he says that I owe him more.He does not recognize anything I do and have been organizing all his life and home and food, vacations ... clothes, and alwaysI'm there when it's wrong.The couple's life is non -existent, it is as if physical contact was detected.We look like mother and son rather.
It is already a marriage problem, but I don't know why I go to this forum.I believe that diabetes greatly influences their character and cognitive impairment, because it is very clumsy and slow and slow in general.
I do not see him suitable for driving, he drives his car and is going to work, but I see that any day that needs reflexes will not answer.In fact, I never go with him as a driver, whenever we go, I drive.Because several times we almost had a fat accident and I decided that I would never go with him at the wheel.I think he is alive of a miracle.And this gives me my soul.Because I know it and nobody believes me.And this has me in suspense every day.
I'm going crazy, because he didn't really have accidents, but almost and I lived it.And the worst is your despotic attitude.He is perceived as a great driver and according to him, I am crazy.But another concrete example: on one occasion he did not want to eat, he gave him a low and almost collided with a toll because he was asleep, I had to scream him to react and stop and grab the steering wheel and correct the trajectory, we got rid of a miracle, and whatWorse is that I ask him and he does not mean his glucose measurement, he says he is not my business.Another example: we were going on the highway, I was going well in theory, we took a way out and was going too fast, it was stopping a little, there was a zebra step and a pedestrian was crossing, it did not stop, the pedestrian had to go back quickly, if it did not go backHe run over in full zebra crossing and when I recriminated his behavior he replied "the pedestrian to wait, not to have gotten."In a despot tone and blaming the pedestrian.And comments like this too every day.
I write it and it seems to me to have lived and endured things like that.But everyone takes away importance and treats me crazy.I am already deranged.
I no longer know how character or is the disease, both things are bitterness of my life.And I can't make any decision.I don't know what to do.Right now I am mentally exhausted.
Sometimes he is nervous and it seems that it is under the effects of some drugs, he puts his eyes very open and sometimes blank, sometimes he has nervous tics, sometimes he has risky behaviors that cause me fear and much insecurity.For example: the cutter was passing in the garden and very accelerated and hurried said that the car was going away, he took and very close climbed into the car and lit it and began to move, this in a few seconds without giving me time to hold the dog andThe dog behind the car and he did not make sure where the dog was or noticed that he was there just behind the car, when I always hold the dog, always, when I move the car or come out in it because the dog is always aroundof the car.I had to hit the window because I didn't listen to me and I almost hit me too, it seemed that I didn't even see rearness by reversing.It is surreal.
He does something and I have to be alert in case I put the leg in something or make some mistake or have a negligent behavior.It seems he is 4 years old.Living with him is dangerous.Always leave open cutters and things like that.He doesn't think.It is too clueless, so much that it is dangerous.And he has a totally distorted concept, he believes herself good in everything and that knows everything.I always question me and despise me and in the end I am the one who solves all day -to -day problems.He mocks me and my abilities and usually be right and do everything right.My life is very sad.And I am mentally exhausted.
Sometimes many people load me with all the responsibility of caring for it and controlling their diabetes.It seems that if something is wrong or something is wrong with me.I can't withThis weight on.I also have a hard chronic disease.And I have economic independence, he doesn't pay me any expense, we pay everything halfway.I don't owe anything to him and it seems that I owe my eternal slavery and the environment coercion in this.I am at the limit of my strength, I can't stand it anymore.
I don't know how to get out of this situation.I am paralyzed.What weighs me the most is my family's lack of support, which also pity him and believe that it is wonderful, they justify everything for their diabetes and believe that my duty is to take care of it all my life and that for my illness I cannot expectNothing better in my life than this, that I am a complaint, exaggerated and nonconformist and that life is so, that marriages are like this and is normal.That if I divorce it will be worse than I will be alone or walk from Picos Pardos (my family is very macho).
Do your experiences as a couple with diabetic people are like this?Is it normal?Anyone more than coexists with a diabetic man feels like that?Is it only its character and is not related to diabetes?
My sister says that I am a nun because so good I am silly.This may be true.
Lately I feel that something will happen, that a day will come when everything will change to better.It is as if I were waiting for my new life, another better life.That this life cannot be the definitive one.I don't like my life with my husband, I'm wrong and it's for him.He is left over in my life, it causes me suffering, he does not give me anything good.
Lately I have no soul, I am not a person, he seems happy to live like this and that still disturbs me more because there is no couple's life, I am his caregiver nothing more.How can it be happy like this?!He says that I am the only one who complains that he is fine, that I am a heavy one and let him live calm.
Does anyone see something clear?
Maybe from outside someone can give me another point of view.I am paralyzed, all I do is give myself binge of food because I have a lot of anxiety.
Thank you!