My husband is type 1 diabetic and in the hyperglycemia me psychologically crushed me

The problem is that he believes there is no problem.In addition to being very stubborn.According to him, here the problem is me.
He rarely admits that he is also to blame but that thought lasts little and I doubt that he says it sincerely.
What happens that, as I said, I think it has some cognitive affectation, so it happened to him.But that only sees who lives with him.
His parents do know, because his mother told me that he had to take care of him a lot and admitted that he does not know how to avoid hiccups or conscious when they give him.But their parents can more self -love and their son and are not able to support me and take the opposite to their son, I think they pass directly because it is so stubborn that there is no one to rectify when he is wrong.
Apart from diabetes, for his personality he always wants to carry the reason, even if he does not have it.
On the other hand he is a quiet person and good living, removing those things.
I, when I get tired, I will leave it, or not.I don't know sincerely.

A couple relationship can never be a challenge, if so, it is best not to continue.Greetings and good luck.

Allow you soon from that situation, strongly and only live once, separate as soon as possible.Luck

Separation implies giving up a common project, a lot of work and effort invested in a life together, the house that is of both, the dog.
Luckily we have no children.
And also my husband for the bad is the worst, things that are not real to justify everything that suits him are invented.
And I don't know if he does it on purpose but it is not the first time that after discussing he has an important hypoglycemia.
In a way I feel trapped.Mentally I find no way out of this.
Many times I think of making my bags and taking my dog ​​and disappearing without more.He would not support a divorce process and much less live with him while the process lasts.
Maybe rent a floor and leave, without saying anything before.I am clear that if I make this decision I will have to do so.
Many times I am tormented by the thought that something happens to him and everyone will carry me with guilt and responsibility.It is unbearable.

@Marilyn8040 No one here will tell you what you have to do because the decision is yours and only yours but at least you know that the situation you live as much as you want to make up is not healthy.

Nor is it about fleeing to the first change, but for what you have been commenting, it is not seen that it is an exceptional situation but that the norm is the one you describe.

No disease should be a white letter to treat the person who takes care of you.

Much encouragement

@Marilyn8040 If you are telling yourself everything.
Do you have any support person outside your circle?I really think you need help and that this situation is not good for you and I also tell you that you are neither the first nor the last one that is going through something similar.
You say that separation implies giving up a common project, but being realistic, what project can you have with someone like that?Having a life as a couple should never be much work or much effort, it is clear that we all have discussions and bad times but for what you tell, this is the usual dynamic.Apart it seems that his family is flour of the same sack ...
Really, people do not change and he will never change and if something happens at any time, it is only and exclusively his responsibility and in the event that someone blames you, he has to do the same.You're quite enduring.
First of all and above all you have to be aware that nothing that happens is the fault of diabetes but of course it is not your fault either.

@Marilyn8040 is hard and you know what you have to do.I divorced for a similar situation.He loaded with everything: house, family, work, vacation, etc.It was more his mother than his wife.Always request and arranged for it.He sacrificed any desire of mine for any request from his, whatever it was.

It cost me a lot to make the decision and I needed psychological help for a long time to assimilate it, I had married "for a lifetime" and threw many years through the board.But I learned a lot about myself and that nobody is going to take care of myself as I do.
You have to look for you, because you and your future.
When I finally saw the light and left the tunnel, I debuted in diabetes .... But it is another story.

If he loves you, he will accompany you, he will make an effort to take the reins of his illness, if not ... Well better than badly accompanied.

marine said:
@marilyn8040 Nobody here will tell you what you have to do because the decision is yours and only yours but at least you know that the situation you liveIt's healthy.

Nor is it about fleeing to the first change, but for what you have been commenting, it is not seen that it is an exceptional situation but that the norm is the one you describe.

No disease should be a white letter to treat the person who takes care of you.

Much encouragement

Totally agree.We are carrying this post at the soap opera level, commenting on or not doing, which follows from what @marilyn8040 is an alleged crime of psychological ill -treatment, with which we should not juggle as I am reading, theDiabetes is the excuse, what you have to recommend is to inform you of the roads to denounce this type of events, both criminal or administrative via as soon as possible and stop speculating.

The change begins in me, because I thought it was diabetes, and I think that 50% is for the 30 years it has been with diabetes.The other 50% will be bad and perhaps also influence the 30 years living with diabetes.
I have freedom to divorce if I want.The problem is my emotional dependence and my "goodism."
It helps me to read other opinions and points of view.For example, I was not aware that I behave as if I were his tutor and seen that, my attitude makes no sense, because he is an adult and I am his wife, not his mother.
I don't even want to think of denouncing anything, because I am with him because I want.
And yes, the hyperglycemia put it very nervous and edge, I am 100% sure of that because I have been with him for more than 10 years and I see it.
And the hypos what happens is that it does not find out until they are 55. and they are 30 years of diabetic and more problems.
I assumed everything when I met him and told myself "forward" and to what was done, chest, I also assume my responsibility because it was so when I met him, and worse, because his control was much worse and had many hypos.Now few and less low.
And what I said, the change begins in me, and you have helped me to see it from another perspective and I had already spoken before, but now I have raised it again, the divorce, and I also told him that his diabetes does not justify anythingAnd I am explaining it and a little has changed its attitude.Now when I see it an edge I tell him that I respect myself as I deserve, something that before I took it that I had to endure him for his glucose state, and now I did not allow it anymore.
It is not a soap opera, it is the harsh reality and life sometimes puts obstacles to exceed.
Here I do not see mistreatment, I see a disease that hinders coexistence and I see me in an attitude of swallowing with everything, because I am good and I spent my life.
And thanks for helping me see it clearer.And thanks for everything.
I assumed the responsibility of things that do not correspond to me and I am throwing ballast.If it is worth it good and if we will continue each one separately.
That nobody worries excessively because there is no reason for that, there is freedom to do what one wants.If I continue with him it is because I want and if I decide to leave it idem.
What has clarified the most is the concept of legal tutor, which I don't want to assume from now on, that has opened my eyes to my reality.
Thank you.

Part of the problem is my mind, because being very honest, I feel very bad just for thinking of leaving it, I feel that I am disappointed to myself, as if left abandoned because of a disease.I feel very guilty just to think about it.And that change is also mine.I don't know where the boundary is between your personality and "symptoms" or diabetes.
I don't know if I explain myself well.
Thank you.

@marilyn8040 If you realize my post is not addressed to you, since you will always be the last person who realizes where you are, of course by your own will, but if you talk to a professional, maybe I would advise you better than us better than us, I just tried to give the reason to @marine and that we stop telling you what you have or not to do, that for that you are already older and you will do what you think is convenient and always the best to your interests. A greeting

marilyn8040 said:
part of the problem is my mind, because being very honest, I feel very bad just for thinking of leaving it, I feel that I am disappointing myself, as if I left it abandoned byguilt of a disease.I feel very guilty just to think about it.And that change is also mine.I don't know where the boundary is between your personality and "symptoms" or diabetes.
I don't know if I explain myself well.
Thank you.

I understand you perfectly.I was in your situation.Consciousness and feel fatal.Even when I think about it, it hurts and 10 years have passed.
I have not forgiven myself.

I advise you with a psychologist, I went well to accept my decision, analyze my life and I want it with another prism.

It is that read what was read, the only solution is a psychologist.

Yes, the ideal would be to go to the psychologist.I was a few years ago and suggested that I divorce me, he doesn't want to go.Let's see if I convince it.
Today he had another downturn, his measurement hid again.I don't understand why he doesn't tell me, I don't trust me very painful.He had it to eat few hydrates and because today I let him do in his way to see what he was doing.And bad.I threw a sermon, because I asked him and did not want to tell me, and I explained it from another point of view, that he is forcing me to take responsibility for him and make decisions as he never drove.I don't know if my sermon will work.I also told him that I should value more to have me to the side because I am to help him, but he does not want me to help him.If I had told me how much I had before eating I would have already calculated how much I should eat, because it is clear that you don't know how to do it.And without knowing his measurement I saw that he took very little amount for today's activity and expense.I already think that he is not comfortable with me and that is why everything does not matter, and it would be another reason to finish.
I feel very helpless and frustrated.
I can no longer do.
I am already talking clearer and the topic of conversation is divorce.
The last word has it, or reacts or with me that does not count anymore.
I hope you change your attitude and it will be a progressive change.He has to do it because I will not continue to consent to him.And therefore nothing.
With how easy everything would be if every time I am measured and asked, I replied, or that it was not necessary to ask him, I could leave him tell me without more complications.For me it is very easy to calculate, he says they are "the old woman's accounts" and I think he lives it from pride and does not support that I control and help him.It is a totally immature attitude and does not accept your illness, I think, nor accept that I know how to calculate it because he does not know.And it closes in band.I bought several books on diabetes, and I read them years ago.He did not read one, he says that he does not need it and you see that his controls are not going well.I also think that perhaps I am too perfectionist and he does not support him and that is why he does all this, and this also seems very immature, because it is playing with his health and my safety.I think he is not aware of this, he is too individualistic and egocentric and does not know how to work as a team or to carry good control of his diabetes.
Many times he doesn't want to do things for not moving not to spend and not having to eat extra and avoid hypo.It is crazy.He is letting diabetes limit and control his life, and mine also living together.And I want to live and enjoy life now that I can, although I also have certain limitations for the disease I have, but I always try to overcome all the problems and he is creating one because he has that negative attitude.
I cannot talk about this with anyone in my environment, they do not know what diabetes consists of, they do not read anything, there is no one more diabetic in my family or yours, it is as if I were talking to them in Chinese and this also frustrates me a lot.And I still see that everything is the origin of his personality not as I thought, that it caused me a lot of empathy to think that I could help him with his control.
In the end everything remains the same just changed my attitude a little and now I demand respect and see if he also responds.
The fault is mine for getting into such a mess from the beginning and assuming as normal the demands of him and the environment that I was obliged to take care of him and control him and become totally responsible for his diabetes if he intended to go to live with him.They have passed a little, because he does not want me to do it and there is the machaque.I must control it but guessing its glucose levels and fighting with your refusal to tell me how much it has, I no longer say that he assumes all his control, which he should.I know there are people with diabetes that evenThey practice sports without problem, so I don't understand what happens to my husband and because he doesn't want to learn to control himself better.
Thanks for your understanding and advice, they are helping me a lot.

@Marilyn8040, I believe that the main problem is that he does not have his illness accepted, and, the second, that he does not have a tight treatment, because what you say has a lot of tendency to hypoglycemia.
I don't know if you go to endocrine reviews and if you use proper insulin.
If your control would improve with a good treatment, it would surely also improve the character.
It would help him to have a continuous meter, which are now financed by Social Security.
I think he has to readjust the treatment and take responsibility for him., But he would not have to be so difficult with a good insulin pattern.
What insulins do you use?
And for you it would not have to be any burden. It is not your responsibility.

He already uses Freestyle, already goes to the endocrine and tells him that he has great controls.
His hypos are for not eating enough, he eats little.He per week works in office, the problem is that he does not know howIt produces slowness and is as dangerous as a hyper.And I'm tired of saying it.To avoid this I have to be 100% pending of him, but the last straw is that he is measured and does not tell me how much he has, ask him and do not answer me.Every weekend the same.He does not want to do new activities for not varying his glycemia and that affects me directly.
Use slow and fast insulin, has them perfectly tight for your weekly routine, the issue is that you get out of the routine and do not know or do not want to adapt.
That is not controlled well and is not capable I have assumed it.But the attitude of not telling me how much that has me angry.
So that everything goes well I have to think everything for him, everything.But it doesn't treat me well and I don't deserve his contempt.
I already tell him that if he does more physical effort than the easiest it is to take something, I have everything calculated and I am tired of telling him and he knows perfectly, and still I have to be thinking about him every minute and even on topI tell him until I get angry.I spend the days pissed off, I think I enjoy seeing me angry and this wears me a lot, because for the good ones it ignores me, only if I take sermons.
For example, when you have hypos if I speak well, I ignore me, I am forced to raise my voice a bit and to be imperative and this stresses me and causes me tachycardia.
What he does is not eat, but he doesn't even drink enough.It is like a small child who encapsates not to eat vegetables.It's crazy.
What is most angry is that your free time happens by looking at forums and RRSS instead of dedicating a minimum of time to plan their controls and calculate the expense.
The more I am writing to you here telling you everything, the more ridiculous I feel because I live by swimming against the countercurrent every day, and I am very fed up.He needs my help but he refuses and resists him to help him, I'm going crazy.Because it is also a contempt for me.
What surprises me is that the endocrine tells you that it is perfect, is it normal to have hypos of 55?
When I started the post I said that it is the edge in the hyperglycemia, it is put in 180 or 200, no more than that, it is always when it leaves its routine, sometimes when you have a cold too, and when it is high a very tic is putcharacteristic and also gets impertinent and I can't talk to why it is very unpleasant, it's like dr.JEKIL AND MR.Hide.
Here I write the problem, but obviously it also has positive things so I continue with him.
And I still think that there has to be something neurological because otherwise it has psychopathic features and it is already another more complicated issue.
Lately he is gaining his bad moments, because I think his attitude over time is already affecting me tooHe does not want to make accounts and does not concentrate on the problem, because he sees no problem.He sees all this normal.
He reasons saying that his endocrine tells him that everything is fine, and glycosylated hemoglobin has it well.He goes only to the consultation because he decided, once I was me and once he told him that he had hypos and the endocrine normalized it and did not give it any importance and suggested some guidelines that followed more or less.But the problem is that it is not anticipated and does not prevents or plan.It already has financed freestyle.But sometimes he leaves the mobile at home !!It is the last straw.And the weekend that is when routines change.
Now we are considering havingA son, but I see him impossible and I think I can not count on him for his care, when you have to take care of him and he does not let himself be taken care of, I will have to serve the child and at the same time going throwing a car that my husbandIt is filling with heavy stones every day, so I am so disappointed and I already consider divorcing.And for this I now published this post in this forum.
Psychologists do not know diabetes are useless, I went to a psychologist and I didn't even feel understood.The only thing that told me was better to be just accompanied, summarizing a lot.
It is all very complex and very difficult.The easy thing would be to divorce, not by diabetes, but because of how edge it is and does not want my help.I'm tired of arguing with him for that.
But for me that decision is very difficult.Because, apart from this problem, he is a very responsible, quiet, sensible and very skilled person for many things.And I no longer say affectionate and that I love him very much because this I am already losing it with his edge attitude, for me he already suffocated the love he had.I can't want it if it's like this.And it makes no sense to be together.
I feel to write so much text, it no longer knew who to tell the problems of diabetes and I am venting here because I have been dealing with this for many years and I do not know anyone who knows the diabetes well with whom to share this situation.
Thank you.

The 55 hypos are not serious if they are detected and corrected soon.
Glucose variations between 55 and 200 are very normal and often inevitable, the important thing is to have a controlled glycosilada.
If you eat few hydrates it will be because it is more afraid to be high than low, having everything controlled is very difficult with insulin., which has many variables ..

regina said:
The hypos of 55 are not serious if they are detected and corrected soon.
Glucose variations between 55 and 200 are very normal and often inevitable, the important thing is to have a controlled glycosilada.

Glycosilada is well.They are the specific cases of hip and hyper and how it faces them.They are not serious, but they are affected, it shows and cannot be alone.
It is like living every day and every hour to the limit and tension.I have my mind unfolded, I think of me and him.
The conclusion is his attitude that does not carry it well or accept it or accept my help.

I will focus on explaining how I feel when I hide the measurements and leave it more independent, to see if it reacts.I am quite overlooking him but I was forced to do so, and maybe he is even the noses of me.
And I repeat that he has been with diabetes for 30 years, I think that is well justified that he is pissed off with the world, so I continue with him.And I hope to solve this situation well for both of us.
I needed to know other opinions and views.Thank you very much.

Good again @marilyn8040,

I read and read the comments and the truth is that I think we can not help you ...

There are two ways to live life, accepting what you have and throw forward or not accepting the life you have and living a new one, half inks are never good.

From here and as diabetics we have told you since this character and that irresponsibility when taking the disease is not normal or healthy and although we can slightly affect humor when we are for example in hyper is not compared to what you have.

I think that continuing with comments from your personal experiences unfolds the goal of the thread of the forum and in the end this becomes how some partner has already said in a soap opera and I think that is not correct either.

I really hope you are happy but that is my opinion.

I just want to clarify whether it is for diabetes or not.For me it is the main thing.Because it changes a lot to judge your personality or disease.But it is a combo.
Thanks, I don't need anything else.Hugs.