My husband is type 1 diabetic and in the hyperglycemia me psychologically crushed me

We have been together for 14 years.

It is diabetic since the age of 13.I cannot have a conversation when it has high glucose because it does not reason and is rude and disrespectful.And discuss falsehoods as if they were truths.This situation is unbearable and I am considering divorce because I can't stand anymore, I'm going crazy.

I understand everything but every time it is high for me it is a nightmare and it is affecting my health.In addition, I participate very actively in your care and you don't even value anything.For me to live like this it makes no sense.

I insisted several times when I go to the psychologist and do not want, I told him to try the insulin pump and either.

Many times it is measured and hides it, I ask him and he does not respond to me, but he ended up noticing obviously.Even sometimes he wants to drive the car where we both go with the low sugar and hide it.

The last time we argued and threatened to report it how to hide your hiccups and intend to drive.I even notice his hyperglycemia for the smell of his breath, I'm obsessed.Because I always tell him to inform me of how much he has and how he is and always hides it to me, and it seems to me a totally childish and immature attitude, because if he is not able to control well, the minimum is to collaborate for me to help him.

What I need is to treat it as a child and control it 100% at every moment, and I don't want to have to do that, I am not his mother and he behaves like a small child.

I don't give more about me.We have none of the family or anyone, he hides everything, he has nothing.It is more his family is very macho and he despises me a lot, he sees how an obligation of mine, as a woman, caring for him and enduring him absolutely everything even if I despise me.I am very sunk.

We have both about forty years.

Anyone who understands me or can contribute any idea to solve this situation?

Thank you very much.

Marilyn8040 said:
We have been together for 14 years.It is diabetic since the age of 13.I cannot have a conversation when it has high glucose because it does not reason and is rude and disrespectful.And discuss falsehoods as if they were truths.This situation is unbearable and I am considering divorce because I can't stand anymore, I'm going crazy.I understand everything but every time it is high for me it is a nightmare and it is affecting my health.In addition, I participate very actively in your care and you don't even value anything.For me to live like this it makes no sense.
I insisted several times when I go to the psychologist and do not want, I told him to try the insulin pump and either.
Many times it is measured and hides it, I ask him and he does not respond to me, but he ended up noticing obviously.Even sometimes he wants to drive the car where we both go with the low sugar and hide it.The last time we argued and threatened to report it how to hide your hiccups and intend to drive.I even notice his hyperglycemia for the smell of his breath, I'm obsessed.Because I always tell him to inform me of how much he has and how he is and always hides it to me, and it seems to me a totally childish and immature attitude, because if he is not able to control well, the minimum is to collaborate for me to help him.
What I need is to treat it as a child and control it 100% at every moment, and I don't want to have to do that, I am not his mother and he behaves like a small child.
I don't give more about me.We have none of the family or anyone, he hides everything, he has nothing.It is more his family is very macho and he despises me a lot, he sees how an obligation of mine, as a woman, caring for him and enduring him absolutely everything even if I despise me.I am very sunk.
We have both about forty years.
Anyone who understands me or can contribute any idea to solve this situation?
Thank you.

Hi, Marilyn.
My name is welcome Rodríguez.Type I diabetic for + 30 years.
The situation you are going through is sad and painful.

I don't know if you could help you.I have belonged to a WhatsApp group for a few months in which we are all diabetic, or relatives of diabetics.And each one is exposing our problems and giving advice about our personal experiences.

I get the impression, so you have, that it will be very complicated that your husband would like to access to participate in the group.But you, surely you would find support from people, perhaps in similar situations, or that we can/can encourage.

If you dare, you will surely be well received.

Greetings and !!!

Link to join:
Link

Hi, @Marilyn8040

What would you think of a person who had other problems .. for example alcohol himself ... who ignores you, drinks whenever he wants, he rides you because he does not attend to being drunk and drives drunk and does everything the same?

I am very sorry that you live that situation but you do not have it and if someone does not want to change the solution is what you already know but you fear to take.

It doesn't matter if we talk about diabetes or whatever, it depends on how each person is and how to take responsibility for their actions.

luck.

@Marilyn8040
Hello.
I feel for what you are happening.
I don't think there is any justification either.Also if you have been diabetic for so many years ... is that attitude new?Or do you have been wearing every year holding this?
As Marine says no problem justifies that treatment.Here you have all our support but if you don't see yourself with force to make a decision, maybe you could go to a psychologist who will give you a more professional opinion.Ideally, he was him, but because of what you have, I don't think he does.
We live once and if you are not happy, plant what fails and change it.Much encouragement and a lot of strength.
I hope you solve it soon.
😘😘

There is nothing to do if he doesn't want to fix things, hyper and hypos can put on a bad mood, but he doesn't have to treat you badly.
Talk to him and tell him what you think.
Then, you make the decision.

It is always like that.Before worse because I had hypos almost every day and when I live together I managed to control better.I didn't want to eat when they gave him and I had to fight him for that.I also changed your diet and habits and help you normalize cholesterol and tension.
The truth is, I don't deserve the treatment I give me.
I'm already fed up.
I felt a lot of compassion for him, I am a person who is helping me.But everything has a limit.
And his family, even on top, is the last straw.
I've been thinking about divorcating myself because I am better alone.It tells me very very unpleasant things.I get angry and it seems that he likes to see me angry.
This has no solution.

@marilyn8040 It happens to me that I have a bad mood with hypoglycemia, but from that, to what you explain, I see a world, that is, I do not think it is justified in any way, I see it the same as if I did the same because it rains, or because it is sunny ... for diabetes, surely it is not.

Courage and have our support !!

It is a very complicated situation ... I am going to do a little lawyer for the devil, for giving another perspective, although with this I am not at all justifying or supporting your husband's attitude.

I have been diabetics for 19 years, I have been living with my partner for a few years.I have a good control, especially now with continuous measurement, I have had 2 history of hypoglycemia fading years ago.But there are days, and it despairs, that when we wake up before "good morning" he asks me about glycemia.
Or if sometimes I give a normal Coca Coca drink (I have the alarms of hip in 80), and drama although that is done above all my extensive family ... for example it is time to take the car and go, and I say myselfI wait for a while because I'm just - I don't like to take the car <100 - and begin to eat something (and I'm not in hicc as it is simply to wait a little that the food goes up), that if someone who pleases takes meNotify when I arrive ... I understand the concern, but sometimes the result is that it is easier to shut up, do nothing and leave home.

With all this ... @marilyn8040, he is an adult man, and I understand that capable, he must be he who "participates very actively in his care" you can support of course, and is expected in a couple.

You don't have to justify your border or bad words, never, but reflect on how he perceives all that.

I really hope that I don't bother you, really, he doesn't participate here so I can't tell him anything directly, but just say that he will not solve anything.

Last time I wanted to drive with 60 and after walking that it even lowered him, he took a juice and was not waiting for him to climb him and asked him and did not answer me.I got angry and in the end he told me that I was 60 and I already told him that I was driving better.He closes in band and does not speak to me, is very immature.
At first I got a lot of empathy, but the years go by and with everything that I taught and explain and I see that he does not want to do it right and treat me badly on top.
That situation was easily resolved if I do what I say but that should leave it.
I am tired of instructions, to correct him, to see me in the situation of having to get angry to communicate how much he has, the clock is marked with the freestyle.It could be everything very simple.
If I told me 'I drive that I am taking a juice that I am a bit low'.As simple as that.
Or have prevented it before.
For me it is very unpleasant to be on top, and I am already very exhausted from his attitude.

A few years ago I trusted him that he was well controlled and almost crashed into a cabin of a toll, with me next to me, I had to take the steering wheel and scream him to stop.For not getting angry and demanding that he be measured and to trust his words.Because also how it is very quiet and calm I don't know if it is right or wrong.
I can no longer trust that.Now when I go with him or I lead or I am very much to make sure, and he always gets angry because I ask him.It's not fair.
In addition to not realizing when it is low, you do not want to measure yourself often, or eat to prevent, always eat when it's too late.Now with the freestyle it is easy and many times he does not even look at him to see how much he has or leaves the mobile at home !!
Do you think that if you get the bomb, will you already be better controlled and better?
I don't know what else to tell you.I no longer know if it is disgust and forgetting or passotism, because it says nothing and I find it hard to believe that it is passing because then or is depressed or is very bad person, because this affects me directly daily.
I only have the bomb and see if it goes better or else to control it at 100%, which does not consent, and I do not want to do, or break because I cannot continue, it is unvoyable.
The one who will have to go to the psychologist is me because he is driving me crazy because he is very ambiguous and I think he makes it on purpose.
Sometimes I think we would be better separately, even he, perhaps if he looks only responsible for himself.Because now you spend the day looking at your mobile and many times it does not even bother to plan some output of the weekend, and he needs to foresee and calculate expense and hydrates.But it is in your world and goes from everything.
I will insist with the bomb.But he says he doesn't like the idea of ​​carrying it and its operation.

But those changes have to leave it, you cannot be as a couple behaving like the legal tutor, it is not healthy either for you or for your relationship.

morganeta said:
but those changes have to leave it, you cannot be as a couple behaving like the legal tutor, it is not healthy either for you or for him or for your relationship.

That's right, I exercise your tutor, as you say.By imposition and for my character because I am very helping.And the whole environment encourages him, his family and mine.And I cannot continue loading with such responsibility, it is surpassing me and for me this is not a marriage already.Because he is not even affectionate and with the things he tells me when he is high and his passotism I am stopping loving him.
Right now I am his mother and nurse.I don't know what I am doing with my life.
I blamed everything to diabetes and forgave everything, but I can't continue like this.
He even had to go to the emergency room for a virus that made him dizzy at work, and I went there and noticed reproaches towards me, as if it were my fault what happened to him.
I notice that much, in his family and mine and the environment load me all the fault of what happens to him.I am sunk.I can not with this situation anymore.
It can be said that I saved his life several times for hypos when we started and when the almost accident and more things that improved me a lot but that this never ends and I am not his mother, it is too much load for me.And also nobody thanks me anything, on the contrary they demand that you take care of it more and better.I feel empty and I really don't feel like living.I have a chronic illness and nobody helps me, I manage alone and even on top of the environment.Because even on top of my husband, he is very ambiguous and when he is wrong and he implies that he is wrong for me.It's a lot of history.
In order not to admit his failures and weaknesses hides the things that happen to him and ask him if I give him a bad life and stay silent.I saw that once in front of me.And to see what he said, I waited for him to respond and said nothing at all.He did not defend me, he did not admit that he does not know and sometimes he strives to control diabetes well.And I was hallucinated, because if I'm in front it acts like this, then when I am not to blame me for everything.
This is already a psychological machaque.
I previously thought that I was affected by the 30 years he has been with diabetes, there are many, but seeing his attitude and that the environment is not greeting me, because I think what happens is that he is a bad person, regardless of hisglucose levels
I feel like a person's garbage.

With all my respects, your husband is an selfish and takes advantage of your goodness, and not only puts his life at risk but also.It doesn't matter if you have diabetes, as if you have measles ... it is its character and what you are not going to change, and worst of all, your sickness will fall ... which seems to be what you want.You are 40 years old, you are young and a life ahead, so I know strong (it is clear that you are) and do what you know you have to do.Much encouragement and forgive if I have been hard but I think you deserve something better.A hug.

@Marilyn8040 I am very sorry that you are going through such a difficult situation.Your husband is an adult and it is he who has to take responsibility for his care.You like your partner have to support him, of course, but not do his part.And much less endure that you treat you badly, that has no justification.
Hypos and Hiper can put us in a bad mood but like many other things in life and that is why we can justify being treated badly to those next to each other.
In my case my partner supports me, he knows what to do in case of an emergency, he asks me how I am, if I ask for something ... the normal thing about someone who cares for you.But it is I who carried control of my illness, is my responsibility not his.
Keep in mind that in the case of children with diabetes they usually start from an early age to take part of their illness with the help of their parents and normally in adolescence they already make the leap and do everything alone.There is no justification for an adult to do not.
If your husband does not want to take care of you, you cannot do anything, so make the decision you create better for you.Do not grief because if you do not take responsibility for your life it is because you do not want, it is not your fault.

Hi, @Marilyn8040:
Hippo and hyperglycemia can affect humor, but from there to crush psychologically, as already mentioned, I see a world.And getting to drive with hypoglycemia seems very dangerous.
Maybe a matrimonial/psychologist advisor can help you, but, from what I have read in your comments, I think you already know what you should do ...
A hug

Hi @Marilyn8040.What you tell is terrible and you don't have to support that situation for another minute.Sincerely, I doubt that your character and way of treating you is exclusively due to diabetes.
I give you two tips, the first is that you are the one who looks for some therapy to help you get out of this situation.I think you have a co -dependent relationship and those ties are very difficult to break without professional help but you can, believe me you can.You deserve to be happy and you are saying it yourself, you would be better.
The second advice is as follows: people do not change.
Greetings and a lot of strength.

Thank you all, because it helps me talk about this and feel understood.
I will not throw 14 years of relationship without trying everything before.
I'm going to try to talk with him and see if I manage to understand how I feel.
Your messages helped me to clarify more the origin of the problem and so I can convey what I feel better.
And I am not going to say that I believe, but I know that it does have a sequel to diabetes.I know because it is evident.I am sure and I can empathize.
But I am not going to stop taking care of myself and I did understand that I have to love me more and make me respect, to see if I manage to do it because my past is not a rose field and I leave a dysfunctional family, so for me the home with myHusband is better than what I had and I want to build something even better.
It is not easy but I like challenges.
My husband also had hepatitis.When he was a child he had pneumonia and admitted to the hospital, suddenly he ran out of platelets, he had an anaphylactic shock and needed a transfusion that for bad luck carried the hepatitis C virus (two years later the existence of the virus was discovered).
Being with me, he started treatment to heal hepatitis, one year, he was completely cured.The treatment is very strong and made him lose weight and fell a lot of hair, he gave him dermatitis, an infection on a finger of one foot that I mime daily to heal and cured.
At that time there were many comments that I gave him a bad life, and I quiet, because I considered that his illness was a private issue and that it was he who had to tell if he wanted.And I swallow and bit my tongue.
And yes, there is neuronal damage, I have no doubt.But it does not affect daily life and can work perfectly.But I think it affects the mood and I pay it.
I have enough empathy for that.
When I get tired, I will ask for divorce, maybe there is a certain balance and I will be with him while I compensate for me to be by his side.Taking into account that I am not a healthy person either.
So yes, I understood that respect for respect never have justification, and that the first thing is to take care of me and demand respect.
I'm going to try to talk, if I don't get it, I will give you an ultimatum, or change or lose me.
And that's it.
Thanks for supporting everyone.

Good afternoon Marilyn, my name is José Carlos.What counts on the problem you have having a diabetic relative.She is not unknown to me to see her husband has been diabetic for 13 years, everything has a process.The simplest thing is to blame the disease and blame the situation and those around you.I send you a strong greeting and I want you to tell me to talk if you need it.I after 43 years and 40 with diabetes when my health has worsened.It has been the point and apart, and the necessary decision to take care of myself.As a young man I paid my frustration and anger with my parents and brother.A serious error.Greetings and encouragement I hope everything is solved.

Hello,
I do not know if I understand you badly, but in your writing it seems that you confuse hypoglycemia and hyperglycemia (bass (high), perhaps, in any case it is confused in your writing. Anyway it is understood that he takes it badly.
I am coach of couple relationships and I would advise you to treat this problem with a partner or a psychogogue of couples (not anyone), for me it is the only way.Of course, for this, the two must agree to want to solve the situation.

A hug.

Hi @Marilyn8040.
Your testimony in this forum seems quite serious and important.From my position, more than 30 years with diabetes, and the experience accumulated in my more than six decades of life, I would tell you that you need help.I see you willing.For what you mean, he is not so much.Other foreros have already expressed before me the options you have in this situation.Do not abound in it.And take care of you.

A hug.